What Babies Want by Debby Takikawa

Author:Debby Takikawa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: LifeTime Media, Inc.
Published: 2011-10-20T00:00:00+00:00

Separation

One of the most common causes for your baby to feel overwhelmed at birth and in the early days of his life is to be separated from you. All mammalian babies, including human babies, have a strong and very primal instinct to stay with their mother. Staying close is the one thing that is most likely to ensure survival and healthy development. It is stressful at the least, and in the worst case traumatic, for an infant to be separated from his mother. It also goes against the instinctive grain for the mother to be separated from her baby.

If you and your baby were separated at birth, the separation has become a part of your birth story that both of you will tell over and over again in your own way until you heal. You can use the CALMS steps to listen to your baby when he wants to tell that part of the story. You may be wondering how you will know when your baby is trying to tell you his version of the birth story. For example, if the separation was difficult for him, he may have a stronger need to be with you. He may tell you this by protesting when you try to put him down, hand him to someone else, or attempt to have him sleep away from you. In his first days and weeks, he will show his anxiety when you are separated. If you respond to him with lots of reassurance, holding, skin-to-skin contact, and touching, his need to be close will be honored, and this will help him heal. His anxiety about having been separated from you at such a critical time will be eased. This will also be beneficial when he is older and developmentally needs to separate.

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